Chapter 12: OUR LOVE'S TRIALS, PART 4

The Journey Home – Heaven’s Gates Open Wide

After Jack’s last attempt to take his life, he realized that this was not acceptable to the Lord and relinquished himself to the Lord’s will.  He began to seek the Lord, through prayer and watched a lot of choice TV Evangelists.  I know a few of them:  Dr. David Jeremiah, Joyce Myer (he really loved Joyce Myer) and Shepherd’s Chapel (only because they actually read chapter and verse on TV).  I was trying to work as long as I could as I figured at some point down the road I would have to take off to be home with Jack.  I tried to save up all my sick leave and vacation in anticipation of the time when he would need me to be there.  I use to pray that the Lord would number his days and that when the time came for the Lord to take Jack home to be with Him – it would have His signature on it, and would speak of Him.  My youngest daughter Rebecca was 18-19 years old at this time and delayed entering college so she could be home with her daddy, watching out for him during the day while I worked.  Even though I was greatly concerned over how I was going to financially handle the cut in pay while on sick leave, I still trusted the Lord’s timing in all this.  (Note: I ended up only using 17 sick-leave days the whole course of his 15-year bout with cancer: I reached the limits of accumulative sick leave, so Cobb County School District added 1 year to my retirement totals when I finally retired –people, that’s God!) 

Around a year before Jack passed away, he started having problems again – nothing major but he knew something was not right as he had begun to lose his ability to walk.  He had become, what he called: “A wall-walker”, as he would have to hold onto the wall as he went back and forth to the rest room or outside to sit and smoke, and get some much needed fresh air.  We checked into getting him a motorized wheel chair or scooter but our downstairs, where he stayed would not accommodate either. We found these wireless remote doorbells and placed one upstairs and one downstairs so if Jack needed us he could ring the doorbell and we would check on him.  I did a lot of sewing – making quilts, and was downstairs most of the time in my sewing room; to be near him should he need me.  Many times he would fall down and it was nearly impossible for us to get him back up on his feet. 

One day something happened that totally scared Jack, enough that he had to call an ambulance to take him to Emory University Hospital for Dr. Olson to investigate.  While we waited for the results of his CT scan and MRI, a doctor that had never seen Jack, checked his films to see what was going on – to compare them to his last one.  He finally filled us in on Jack’s latest prognosis – it wasn’t good! 

We were told that the cancer had changed and had upgraded to a Glioblastoma Multiform and appeared to be everywhere now.  He was immediately placed on Hospice care and basically sent home to let it run its course.  I checked on-line for information regarding his prognosis and how it was different now compared to his previous “Glioma Astropsytoma”;  putting it into layman’s terms – it basically meant: Stage 4 cancer, all shapes and sizes, blasted everywhere in his brain” – it was like a shotgun blasted cancer cells everywhere, in every size!     The MRI “slices” revealed live cancer in all areas of Jack’s brain; still he had none of the systems Dr. Olson told us to watch out for!  Only God can claim responsibility for that! 

 I remember I had just been moved to the main office for Cobb County School District, as we had a new supervisor, in the Textbook Warehouse – but it was much closer to our house, should Jack need me.    I was concerned over how our new supervisor would feel, should I need to suddenly leave to be with Jack, but she totally understood: “whatever you need to do Sharron, its okay with me.”    

I remember about three months prior to Jack’s death having “dark cloud” feelings and writing my pastor about it and asking for prayer.  One of the warehouse supervisors, “Curtis” was a believer and one morning I arrived at work, when this feeling of dread fell upon me very strongly, so I asked him if he had ever had what I called “dark cloud” feelings before?  Most people could not relate when I tried to describe these to them but something usually always happened when I had them this strong.  Curtis answered: “Yes, Sharron I know exactly what you are talking about – as a matter of fact, I too have been having them for the past few weeks, and have felt they were for you; I am praying for you and your family though”.   

Rebecca phoned one day to tell me her daddy was acting very strange: he seemed unusually confused; it was freaking her out.  She asked: “could you please come home and check on him?”  I left work and half way home a premonition took hold of me so strong that I just started crying bitterly before the Lord – driving through a flood of tears!  I thought I was going to have to pull over, it hit me so hard.  I felt like Jack had died – it was as if the Lord let me feel right then, every emotion and feeling of loss I would experience somewhere in the near future.  I pleaded with the Lord to give me strength to be able to withstand the grief and sorrow, when the time came, for me and my girls to lose Jack.  I really felt as if Jack had died but knew he had not!  I wanted also, to stop crying before I got home and confronted Jack and Rebecca.  I did not want them to know I was crying so bitterly – Jack needed me to be strong, so did my girls.  I now feel that the Lord let me experience all the grief I would encounter at that moment, and then He totally replaced it with His peace, strength and joy, that pass all understanding, which I still have to this day! 

When I got home Jack seemed very confused – I was not sure what was taking place.  He pointed to the floor and said:  “Momma, you need to do something about all those cave crickets over there – see them?  They are all along the walls – you need to call an exterminator.”  I looked all along the baseboards but did not see even one cricket, much less the numbers Jack spoke of seeing.  I called his hospice nurse and they came to check him out.  When I explained to the nurse what Jack had seen, that was not really there, she told me:  “To him those crickets are really there – he can see them; it could be a side effect of the Morphine he is on – just go kill them or spray them, go along with whatever he says he sees, as you will never convince him they are not there.”   

The doctor prescribed one Morphine pill a day for Jack, just to be safe, and we had a bottle of liquid Morphine in our refrigerator, for future use should the time come that he would need it.  He took a few other prescriptions but nothing significant.  All things considered Jack had none of the symptoms the doctors had prepared him for!  When the Hospice nurse came to check on him several times a week, they would ask: “Jack, any headaches? (No), seizures? (No) problems sleeping? (No), anything going on we need to know about? (No)  He would say:  “I just wish I could get up and walk outside once in a while, I would love it if you could make that happen”. 

I will never forget when the Lord gave me an “attitude adjustment”.  After a particularly hard week end, I was feeling sorry for myself regarding all I had to deal with (like taking care of the personal, private needs that a bed ridden person has – you take for granted while you are able to do them for yourselves!) and I was thinking how the Lord was using all this to change Jack and his spiritual attitudes and this is what I received from the Lord: (I felt like one of the seven churches in Revelation: “Nevertheless, these things I have against you”…) “Sharron, this is not just about Jack and his attitudes and what I am doing in his life – you have some attitudes that need working on yourself! It is how you deal with these things – your attitude in dealing with what Jack is going through that I am going to hold you accountable for!  Remember to ‘bring honor and glory to my name!”  I noticed I had become cynical and perhaps a little critical regarding all I had been going through.  But the Lord reminded me – after I had been complaining (to myself) over climbing the stairs about four times in five minutes: “You think you have it tough – what about Jack?  He is only able to sit on the corner of the bed all day – at least you can walk and do whatever you desire – he cannot!”  Do you know how much Jack would love to be able to go up and down these stairs that you are complaining about?  I hung my head in shame – I became aware that the Lord was also trying to change my own attitudes.  I had been feeling sorry for myself over having to be responsible for Jack’s duties along with my own; also not being able to attend church like I use to.  I came to realize, “this too shall pass” – this is just a season in my life: I must be careful how I respond to Jack’s trials and needs; I must do it as unto the Lord. 

One particular Christian nurse, Zoe, loved Jack and use to tell him:  “Jack, considering all you’ve been through, I’ve never known a person with such a sweet, wonderful attitude as you have.  You are a pleasure to attend to – one day when we all get to Heaven, you are going to have such a large crowd around you and I’m going to be standing in that crowd yelling: Hey Jack, remember me?  I use to be your nurse!  He would laugh and say:  “Zoe, Zoe, Zoe!”   All the Hospice personnel assigned to him kept telling him what a wonderful man he was.  They told him he was a joy to be around – an inspiration, and that he had the most wonderful attitude considering what he’s had to deal with.  This really blessed Jack and made him “blossom.”  I guess he never thought of himself as a blessing, inspiring other people’s lives – this seemed to open his spiritual eyes a lot.  

The last four months of Jack’s life, he was spiritually ready for the Lord.  He was truly “at peace” in his heart and spirit.  He was looking forward to his new life in heaven – forever.  He came to realize that he was doing something for the Lord while going through his trials; by the way he was handling and responding to his situation.  He realized that God was getting glory by the way he was going through what he had been dealt.   

The last few weeks before Jack died, my supervisor allowed me to work from home to be with Jack.  Our computer office was right off our bedroom and I would work there, where I could check on him easily.  One evening I was searching through the bookshelf for a computer book, when I came across a little praise song book.  I began to flip through it and came to a song, “It Is Well with My Soul”.  I use to sing in a choir at Gold Kist and my church, so decided to see if I still remembered it, and when I got to the second stanza the Lord spoke:  “Jack is listening to you sing, it is really ministering to him – it comforts his soul – sing it for him”.  I began to sing with all my heart as if I were the only one in the house, knowing he was listening, even though I only sang with choirs, never solo, but this was different – it was for him; I sang the whole song.  Even though we never spoke about it, I knew it had ministered to Jack’s spirit and all was well with his soul!  Here are the lyrics:

It Is Well With My Soul
1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, 
when sorrows like sea billows roll; 
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, 
It is well; it is well with my soul. 
Refrain: 
It is well with my soul, 
it is well, it is well with my soul. 

2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, 
let this blest assurance control, 
that Christ has regarded my helpless estate, 
and hath shed his own blood for my soul. 
(Refrain) 

3. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! 
My sin, not in part but the whole, 
is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, 
praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul! 
(Refrain) 

4. And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, 
the clouds be rolled back as a scroll; 
the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, 
even so, it is well with my soul. 
(Refrain) 

On the night before Jack passed away, I was working downstairs in my computer room when he called for me – he had fallen off the bed.  I got one of my daughter’s guy friends to help me lift him back on the bed, when he asked: “Hey momma, how about a cup of that wonderful coffee you make.”  I had been concerned because he had not slept at all in the past 24 hours but he refused to sleep.  Next he decided he wanted something to eat.  I prepared him some soup, of his choice but noticed when he spoke that his voice sounded raspy.  It sounded like he was beginning to lose his voice, it was much lower.  I asked: “what’s wrong with your voice – why are you talking like that?”  He answered; “Like what, this is the only way I can talk”.  Also, I noticed one of his legs was swollen – twice the size of the other one, and looked sunburned.  It had slid off the bed and I tried to lift it back and he screamed – just touching it was agonizing to him.  I knew something was happening but did not know what.  The final clue that his system was shutting down was when I checked his catheter-bag which was empty so I knew his kidneys were also shutting down!  I quickly called Hospice to see what I should do!  Our nurse instructed me to get the little bottle of Morphine in your refrigerator we gave you for this purpose.  It will help him breath – put a drop under his tongue, as often as he needs it; check with me as often as you need to – it sounds like his system is shutting down, it may be his time.   

I sat down next to him and I remember he grabbed my hand and held it tight – clinging to me as if for dear life.  I picked up a book entitled: “Heaven: Close Encounters of the God Kind” by Jesse Duplantis and started reading it to him.  After a couple of hours of him clinging to me – not wanting me to let go, he suddenly seemed unable to breath.  It was like the wind got knocked out of him and his face was full of panic.  I placed my hands upon his chest and yelled: “In the name of Jesus let him alone!”  He started breathing again and I quickly phoned our nurse.  She told me to keep giving him the Morphine drops, as in addition to being a pain reliever, it would open up his airways and help him breath.  I went through this for hours, until around 4:00 AM; he seemed to be at rest – sleeping so I decided I would try and get a little sleep myself.  We had placed a twin mattress on the floor beside the bed to soften his falls – he would try not to awaken me when he needed something, but in doing so would slide off the bed onto the floor.  I committed Jack to the Lord’s care, asked Him not to let anything happen while I slept and to awaken me if something should happen.   

Around 7:30 AM I suddenly woke up; I could not believe I had slept for over 4 hours – was he still alive, I wondered?  I saw that he was, but he was breathing funny – very noisy.  I called our Hospice nurse who was on her way, not far from us – she stated she would be there shortly.  She arrived and mentioned: “You know we could take your husband to the hospital and offer him some relief but he was very specific about letting things run their course and wanted to be at home when his time came – I believe he is going through congestive heart failure.”  

 I did not want to go against Jack’s wishes so I committed it to the Lord’s timing and called my church for prayer.  They sent one of our churches’ deacons – Larry Canady to our house to pray with us.  Larry arrived and asked: “What can I do for you Sharron, anything?”  We walked over to Jack and I asked him to lay hands on him and pray for his breathing.  He began to pray: “Lord, help this man – relieve his suffering; he has been through so much with this sickness, and his family has suffered along with him.  His heart is right before you – just let the man go, he has suffered enough Lord, please – let him go on to be with you, in Jesus Name, Amen.”  As soon as Larry finished praying, Jack relaxed and the noisy breathing stopped!  We looked at each other and said: “Wow, did that work or what!”  My girls would not come down as it frightened them to see and hear their daddy like that.  But just about this time Christina and Rebecca came down the stairs to bring me coffee, when the nurse said:  “Your husband just made eye contact with me, if you want to say something to him, now would be the time – you won’t have long so you need to do it quickly, he can hear you and understand.”  

I went first and told Jack: :Everyone always tells me what faith I have and how strong I am but it was because I was married to you that I am who I am – you are everything I asked the Lord for – you are my “Mr. Wright”.  Everything that I am today is because I was married to you.”   Next Christina went:  She told her daddy that he had taught them to be family and love each other – “family is all you’ve got so you love and take care of each other: you taught us that daddy.”  Rebecca told her daddy that he was a good daddy and she loved him.  Elena was still upstairs so we had her come down; she spoke last (it was like Jack was waiting for his last daughter) saying that her daddy was a good and loving father to them all and she loved him.  Finally, I thought I would say a prayer on Jack’s behalf, as if I was praying his final words before he departed: “Father into thy hands I commend myself, please forgive me for my indiscretions, cleanse me and forgive me of any wrong I’ve done, in Jesus Name.”  Jack looked at me and made eye contact and said: “I love you” and closed his eyes.  I thought he was going to sleep but the nurse said (the moment Jack closed his eyes): “he’s passed.”  I did not believe it so I reached up and touched his face – I said, “I think he is just sleeping.”  She answered, “No, he has passed but I can double check for you if you want me to confirm it.”  He had passed the moment he uttered his last words: “I love you!”  It definitely had God’s signature and timing all over it! 

Elena and a friend of hers did not want to be down there when they announced he had passed so they started back up the stairs.  Before she ascended, while at the bottom of our stairway, she said:  “Momma, daddy’s doorbell is ringing.”  I asked if it could be our house front doorbell, but she said, “No, it’s daddy’s doorbell – it’s ringing.”  I had one doorbell unit upstairs in the living room and the other in my sewing room, downstairs but both switches that controlled the doorbell unit (made them ring) were on Jack’s night stand.  He had both switches there; usually one was inside the drawer as a backup, the other on top somewhere.  Jack was in a hospital bed on one side of the room and we had stuff (twin mattress, chair, portable toilet, etc.) between his bed and the night stand.  I had been reading Jesse’s book about Heaven to him, but it was on the night stand – no one was anywhere near that night stand.  We were all around Jack’s bed but it was still ringing!  I went to locate the two switches and found one lying near his lamp.  Rebecca said, “Well that’s really creepy because his other switch is right there and is still ringing!”  I went to find out how this was possible – what was causing it to continue ringing?   I moved my Heaven book but there was nothing touching that other switch Rebecca had seen!  The timing of that doorbell ringing when no one went anywhere near that night stand to trigger it’s ringing, the moment the nurse pronounced him officially dead, was – to us, a God moment!  We all felt like Jack had made it to the gates of Heaven and wanted his family to know – “I’m here, you need to let them know I made it!” when his guardian angel said: “I can take care of that for you Jack” and an angel – for the last time, pressed that doorbell as Jack was escorted through the gates of Heaven!  Even if the nurse somehow had pressed it, it usually stopped the moment you took your finger off the switch – it did not continue to ring with no one touching it.  Jack’s switch kept ringing for a few minutes till we located both switches.  Everyone in that room felt the Lord’s presence that day and an anointing – as Jack bowed in the presence of his King, he was finally free and home!  Larry said: “Wow that was incredible – I’ve never experienced anything like that in my life, the Lord was truly in this place!” 

One more thing that the Lord did, I believe as a confirmation for me personally.  When I went to make Jack’s final arrangements, one of our deacons, Paul Chastain offered his assistance with setting things up for the service.  I had made Jack’s funeral arrangements 12 years prior, reluctantly but in the end was glad I had done it.  Our music director was going to play and sing a couple of songs that Jack liked.  One song Jack really loved, which was his favorite was: “Amazing Grace” so I arranged to have that sang and one other (I cannot recall at this time) but I was instructed to choose two songs.  If I could have chosen one more (I told Paul Chastain) I would have chosen, “All Is Well with My Soul” as the Lord had me sing that to Jack two weeks before he died.  When the service started, they started out playing “All Is Well with My Soul”!  I could not stop the tears of joy, as Paul had so lovingly added an extra song and had them sing it, I felt, to me!  I felt it was the Lord’s hand behind this and it told me that “All was well with Jack’s soul”

We had fought the fight, kept the faith and now there is laid up for me a crown of rejoicing unto all that look and love His appearing – Jack is my crown of rejoicing, and I get to spend all of eternity with him in the Father’s house with the King of Kings forever!